10,000 B.C. comes out today. I refuse to see it in theaters, although Brian is considering it. Apart from my distain from Roland Emmerich, who gave us such memorable flops as Independance Day, GINO (Godzilla in Name Only), and The Day After Tomorrow, this new epic adventure looks like a mish-mash of paleontological, historical, and archaeological inaccuracy. These are exactly the kinds of movies I hate, because they butcher paleontological accuracy when it would be so easy to do it right.
I saw a preview for the film at Jurassic Park on Wednesday, and here's what I learned:
1) Saber-tooth tigers are bigger than lions. In fact, saber-tooth cats were smaller than tigers. And rather than being built like tigers, their anatomy brings to mind bobcats and lynxes.
2) Mammoths helped build the pyramids. Excuse me while I throw up.
3) Phorusrhacids (terror birds) were eating people. In reality, they went extinct about two million years ago, loooong before we were hunting mammoths.
4) Big Persian-style sailboats had been invented 12,000 years ago.
5) Cavemen had dreadlocks and spoke modern English.
6) Mammoths...helped...build...the pyramids.
10,000 B.C. is the snake to my mongoose. Or the mongoose to my snake...either way, it's bad.